her vagine was all disorganized.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
