Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
