I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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