Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
