every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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