I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
This baby is an asshole
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
