you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
