i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
