sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
