Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
