You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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