You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
