since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
