I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
