Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
