I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
