you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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