the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
vagina is talking i cant
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
