Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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