My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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