This dress was meant to end up on your floor
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
