so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
