please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
