I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
