hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
