just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
