I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
