k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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