called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Never underestimate the power of titties
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
