Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
