And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize