i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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