Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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