TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
