Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
