Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
