Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
