i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
