is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
