he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
