mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
