I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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