remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
