so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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