Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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