Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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