I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
