i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
BRING THE BAGELS
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
