If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's never too late to be topless.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
