They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
