update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
