return my video game
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
