just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
