you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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