If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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