My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
