He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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