the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Me too!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
