In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
