What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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