She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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