It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
