After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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