i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
