it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
