I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
my liver is dry heaving
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
