Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
